Thursday, December 31, 2015


"Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on,
with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us." - Hal Borland
Credit: @gracecharity
If I had to sum up the last year with a phrase, this would be it. 

2015 had been the toughest year of my life, both in my personal and work life. I fell to my lowest point and woke up every day with a dark cloud hovering me. Everything appeared bleak. There were days where I had to muster all my strength to get out of my bed and stepped out of the house. 

I reached a point where I felt inadequate, in so many ways. I believed I was never good enough for anyone, or anything. Self-esteem and confidence completely destroyed by people whom I once trusted. I lost interest in the stuff that I once loved. 

There were occasions where I thought of taking the easy way out. That was how low I had fell. For someone who had always been so cheerful, happy-go-lucky, all the negative emotions and thoughts I was feeling then suffocated me. So much that I had difficulty breathing. 

I'm incredibly thankful for the angels in my life; my family, close friends and buddies. They were by my side through it all, walking with me, encouraging and supporting me. Because of them, I managed to make it through the stumbles and falls. 

It hadn't been easy, but I believe everything happens for a reason. There is a reason for every season in our lives. It's tough to keep the faith when times are hard and bleak, when everything seems insurmountable but because of my angels, through baby steps, I managed to find that strand of faith and positivity. The road to rebuilding my self-esteem and confidence is not going to be easy but I have faith that I will be able to do it. To be who I was before. 

Despite all that happened, I'm thankful and grateful for the tough times, the lessons learnt and all the memories (both good and bad). They gave me a chance to rediscover myself, to learn, mature and grow. 

Sometimes the best thing that you can do is not to think.
Not wonder, not imagine, not obsess.
Just breath.
And have faith that everything will work out for the best. 

Tuesday, July 07, 2015


In a perfect storybook, the world is brave and good
A hero takes your hand, a sweet love will follows
But life's a different game, the sorrow and the pain
Only you can change your world tomorrow
Let your smile light up the sky
Keep your spirit soaring high

Trust in your heart and your sun shines forever and ever
Hold fast to kindness, your light shines forever and ever
I believe in you and me
We are strong

When 'once upon a time', in stories and in rhyme
A moment you can shine and wear your own crown
Be the one that rescues you
Through the clouds, you'll see the blue

Trust in your heart and your shines forever and ever
Hold fast to kindness, your light shines forever and ever
I believe in you and me
We are strong

A bird all alone on the wind
Can still be strong and sing

Trust in your heart and your sun shines forever and ever
Hold fast to kindness, your light shines forever and ever
I believe in you and me
We are strong

/ / / / /

Performed by Sonna Rele
Cinderella Soundtrack 2015

Friday, July 03, 2015


After a while you learn the subtle difference, 
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning,
And company doesn't mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts,
And presents aren't promises. 

And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open,
With the grace of woman, not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build all your roads on today, 
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans, 
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. 

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. 
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. 

And you learn that you really can endure...
That you are really strong, and you really do have worth. 
And you learn and learn. 
With every goodbye you learn. 

Thursday, May 14, 2015


When someone treats you like you're just one of many options, help them narrow their choice by removing yourself from the equation. Sometimes you have to try not to care, no matter how much you do. Because sometimes you can mean almost nothing to someone who means so much to you. It's not pride - it's self-respect. Don't expect to see positive changes in your life if you surround yourself with negative people. Don't give part-time people a full-time position in your life. Know your value and what you have to offer, and never settle for anything less than what you deserve. 

Sunday, May 10, 2015


It feels good to be back here after a 5 months absence. This is probably one of the longest period that I've been missing in action here. 

So much has happened during this period. Many times I'd powered up my laptop, logged in and despite all the all overwhelming thoughts and feelings that are threatening to destroy my sanity, I would always end up staring at the screen, mind in a blank, waiting for the words to magically appear. 

I always thought I knew myself well, but boy, I was so, so wrong. 

The last two months taught me something which I never knew; my patience and tolerance limit could actually stretch way, way beyond my limits. I've become a doormat, with people stepping over me time and again. To a point where I'm starting to question, is it worth it at all?

I'm a firm believer that everyone deserves a second chance and we shouldn't give up easily. I put in 101% effort if not 100% in whatever I do. Be it work, relationships or the tasks I set out to achieve. But what happens when not one, not two but countless chances had been given and the situation remains unchanged? What happens when someone you truly care took your kindness and niceness for granted and stepped over the line time and again? Do we simply throw in the towel and walk away?

It only dawned on me how unhappy I am when my close friends told me they miss the cheerful me. The one with a hearty laughter and smiley face whenever I'm with them and it hurts them to see me this way. It pains me real deep to know that I had hurt the ones who love me because of that one person who doesn't appreciate my time, efforts, love and care. 

Hence, I've decided to walk away. No matter how much effort I put in it will never be enough or appreciated. I'm choosing to walk away because I do not wish to hurt those who loves me, to salvage whatever dignity and self esteem left in me. I'm walking away because I've lost all faith and hope.

Ultimately, I'm walking away because I don't deserve to be hurt. 

I deserve happiness.

Thursday, January 29, 2015


Came across this article the other day and I'm glad I took some to finish reading it. Sharing it here as I feel that everyone of us needs a reminder like this once in a while. 

This was speech by Pulitzer Prize-winning author, Anna Quindlen at the graduation ceremony of an American University where she was awarded an honarary PhD. 


I'm a novelist. My work is human nature. Real life is all I know. Don't ever confuse the two, your life and your work. You will walk out here this afternoon with only thing that no one else has. There will be hundreds of people out there with your same degree; there will be thousands of people doing what you want to do for a living. But you will be the only person alive who has sole custody of your life. Your particular life. Your entire life. Not just your life at a desk, or your life on a bus, or in a car, or at the computer. Not just the life of your mind, but the life of your heart. Not just your bank account but also your soul. 

People don't about the soul very much anymore. It's so much easier to write a resume than to craft a spirit. But a resume is cold comfort on a winter's night, or when you're sad, or broke or lonely, or when you've received your test results and they're not so good. 

Here is my resume: I am a good mother to three children. I have tried never to let my work stand in the way of being a good parent. I no longer consider myself the centre of the Universe. I show up. I listen. I try to laugh. I am a good friend to my husband. I have tried to make marriage vows mean what they say. I am a good friend to my friends and they to me. Without them, there would be nothing to say to you today, because I would be a cardboard cut out. But I call them on the phone, and I mean them for lunch. I would be rotten, at best mediocre at my job if those other things were not true. 

You cannot be really first rate at your work if your work is all you are. So here's what I wanted to tell you today: Get a life. A real life, not a manic pursuit of the next promotion, the bigger pay cheque, the larger house. Do you think you'd care so very much about those things if you blew an aneurysm one afternoon, or found a lump in your breast?

Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt water pushing itself on a breeze at the seaside, a life in which you stop and watch how a red-tail hawk circles over the water, or the way a baby scowls with concentration when she tries to pick up a sweet with her thumb and first finger. 

Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work. Pick up the phone. Send an email. Write a letter. Get a life in which you are generous. And realize that life is the best thing ever, and that you have no business taking it for granted. Care so deeply about its goodness that you want to spread it around. Take money you would have spent on beer and give it to charity. Work in a soup kitchen. Be a big brother or sister. All of you want to do well. But if you do not do good, then doing well will never be enough. 

It's so easy to waste our lives, our days, our hours and our minutes. It is so easy to take for granted the color of our kids' eyes, the way the melody in a symphony rises and falls and disappears and rises again. It is so easy to exist instead of to live. 

I learned to live many years ago.

I learned to love the journey, not the destination. I learned that it is not a dress rehearsal, and that today is the only guarantee you get. I learned to look at all the good in the world and try to give some of it back because I believe in it, completely and utterly. And I tried to do that, in part, by telling others what I had learned. By telling them this: Consider the lilies of the field. Look at the fuzz on a baby's ear. Read in the back yard with the sun on your face. Learn to be happy and think of life as a terminal illness, because if you do, you will live it with joy and passion as it ought to be lived. 

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

15 BEFORE 16

"Every New Year allows you to start a new phase of life's journey with optimism and confidence. Take the wheel as the captain of your own ship, chart your course and get on your way. There may be rough seas ahead, but there will also be enough achievement, growth, reconciliation and true joy to make the journey worth it." - Michael Josephson
While the rest of the world reflected about the year that had gone by and penned their resolution(s) at the start of the year, I've only managed to do so recently. Better late than never. 

It had been a whirlwind of activities and celebrations since I returned from San Francisco that I barely had time to rest. It didn't help that I was battling the flu, sore throat and the works. 

Last year I created a list of 14 resolutions/tasks/challenges/goals which I had hope to achieve before 2015. It served as a constant reminder and helped me work towards my goals and I'm elated that I'd managed to strike off 11 out of 14. Some areas needed improvement and some became a daily habit, so don't be surprised if you see something similar popping up in this year's list. 



Put this at the top of my list again because I'm a firm believer of expressing gratitude on a daily basis. Doesn't matter if it's for something small or big. You'll be surprised how it affects you. This year, rather than simply giving thanks in my heart, I've got a myself a Gratitude Journal and have been writing in it faithfully every night before bed time. 


Starting running after a 10 year hiatus and I almost "died" the first time I ran. Now I can at least run 2.4km without my lungs collapsing. The distance might be short but it's a huge improvement for someone who hasn't ran for the longest time. Apart from running, I've also been swimming once a week. Aiming to increase it to twice a week. A healthier lifestyle also means sleeping before midnight, eating more greens and drinking more water. 


The second half of 2014 saw my passion for design took a backseat due to the hectic work schedule. This year I want to make more time to create and design. Be it in nail art, floral arrangements or crafting. 


Have been putting off learning Spanish; no more excuses this year. 


One of my childhood dreams was to learn to play the piano; love the soothing melody that a piano creates and it never fails to calm me down. I'm unable to get a piano due to space constraints so the alternative is the electronic keyboard. Been thinking about learning it for years and I'm going to make sure it happens this year. 


I love to sing and used to sing often. Over the year I sang less and realized how much I miss it. So, this year I'm going to sing as often as I can. In the shower, in the room, at the KTV, whenever I can. 


I'm a creature of habit and I want to break away from that. Have done so a couple of times recently, I'm surprised by the pleasant results of some experiences. 


Ever been in a situation when you are tired and all you want is to head home but your co-workers insisted you join them for after-work activities? Say no and you'll probably get labelled as "anti-social". Agree and you end up being tired and grouchy. Having been caught in similar situations countless times, I've decided to take a stand and say NO. My well-being is more important, period. 


Figured it's time for me to go out more instead of staying home on weekends. Check out places/cafes which I've been meaning to. Watch the movies that I want to. Or simply going for walks around the neighbourhood. 


I realized how much I miss going on solo trips after the trip to San Francisco. Those were the days when I travelled alone, visiting places I want, when I want. Meeting people and making new friends. Creating treasured memories. 


Thos who knows me well knows that I'm one who treasures friendships/relationships. Sad to say, I've not been spending much time with those I hold close to my heart due to work commitments. This year I want to put in more effort and make time for those who truly cares and are always by my side. Moreover it's proven that spending time with those you care makes you happier. 


Giving here doesn't simply mean giving money. I want to give my time, to help those in need. 


This is long overdue. I have all these ideas in my head but somehow I've not got down to planning it. Time to put the ideas and thoughts in action this year. 


To do what I want, what I love. Basically all that are listed in this list. 


Contrary to belief, I didn't choose to remain single by choice. With a huge chunk of time taken up by work and the balance split between other commitments, I barely have time to rest less date. Moreover I rarely meet new people. Which is why this is at the bottom of the list. It's something which I hope will happen but if it doesn't, life still goes on. 


So, this is my list for 2015. It looks daunting but I'm confident that I will be achieve all if not 90% of them. 

Thursday, January 01, 2015

HAPPY 2015!

"Today is the first blank page of a 365 pages book. Write a good one."

Here's to an amazing year filled with new adventures, beautiful moments, treasured memories and all the blessings a heart can know. 

Happy 2015 everyone!

Tuesday, December 30, 2014


"Loving someone is holding them close when they are down, drying the tears streaming down their face, feeling your heart skip a beat when they smile, telling them to take care and to be careful, forgetting the world when you just hold their hand, and loving the sparks in their eyes, even though you might be the only who notice them."
To say that 2014 has been a bad year for the aviation industry would be an understatement. First, the disappearance of Malaysian Airlines MH370 who remains a mystery till now, then the second air tragedy when MH17 was shot down near the Ukraine-Russia border. Just when we though that it couldn't get worse, we woke up to the devastating news of AirAsia flight QZ8501 last Sunday. 

In short, flight QZ8501, carrying 162 people bound for Singapore from Surabaya lost contact with air traffic controllers about an hour after take-off. Minutes later, it disappeared from the radar. Search operation started immediately with some false alarms. Today, the third day of the operation, the missing QZ8501 has been found. Debris from QZ8501 was sighted off Pangkalan Bun near West Kalimantan and a suspected "shadow" of what could be the missing jet had been spotted as well. As of 8.30pm, 3 bodies (instead of 40 which had been reported earlier) had been recovered from the debris site. 

The tragedy of flight QZ8501 hit me hard; the route is too close to home; Surabaya was a destination that I flew on a weekly, at times daily basis when I was still an air stewardess and I had just flown on an AirAsia flight earlier this month to Kuala Lumpur. 

It's been many years since I left the airline but a part of me has and always will be with SilkAir and each time I reach about an air tragedy, it never fails to break my heart. 

As we start preparing for the new year, let us take a moment and pray for each and every one of those who has lost a family member, a loved one to an air tragedy. May each of them have the strength and fortitude to get through this time of grief. 

Thursday, December 25, 2014


Simply joys, little pleasures, laughter and smiles in big measures. 
Family, friends, togetherness, love. 
The choicest blessings from above. 
Peace, prosperity and happiness too.
All these and many more are my wishes for everyone of you. 
May your Christmas sparkle with joy and goodwill.
Wishing you a beautiful and divine Christmas. 
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!