Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Bluey Monday

There's always the saying, "Monday BLUES" and all these while, I have never had this feeling until today. For some reasons unknown, I felt so depressed the whole day. Didn't want to get out of bed in the morning, no appetite to eat and the sudden urge to cry while walking. Didn't even had the urge to do my work and I was so silent at work. Even when Cedric gave me a lift to Outram MRT, and he realized that I was looking very depressed and kept asking me what was the matter, I didn't even feel like telling him anything at all. Usually, I will tell him what's bothering me cause he's my only kaki at work, but today, I just felt like keeping my mouth shut. And the person that I called the moment I got off at Outram MRT, the person that I only felt like talking to just kept silent after answering my call. WTF!!!
The new term started today and I tried to cheer myself by telling myself that at least Gary and Jup would be around in class. Was still feeling depressed when I reached class and felt like sleeping but tried my best to force myself awake. For the first time ever, even seeing Gary and Jup didn't make thing better. Usually when I was in the crappiest mood, they would be able to cheer me but today......no matter how hard they tried to make me laugh, they just couldn't. Even when they passed me my belated birthday present, it didn't have any effect as well. Even when we went for a drink after class, I still couldn't shake off that feeling. Till now, the feeling is still there and I still feel so shitty.
What is wrong is me? Am I heading for a nervous breakdown soon? I seriously hope that will not happen because the last time it happened, I took a long time to get over it. I can see all the symptons of depression in me again and I know I need to see my doctor again but I don't wish to. I don't want to have to rely of medication but I just can't bring myself to rid myself of all these shitty feelings. For the past few months, I have been dragging myself out of bed every day and dragging myself out of the house everyday. Everyday, I try to think positively but the moment I stepped out of the house, i just feel so shitty. The only moment I feel at peace is when I am at home sleeping or watching movies.
And it doesn't help that there are some people out there who are just out to make life difficult for me. Why can't some people think through their BIG BRAIN when they talk? Why do they just like to say things as and when they like without sparing a thought for others' feeling? Do they only feel happy when they see someone else being unhappy?
Well......I guessed no point harping about all these depressing moments for the time being. Will try my very best to snap out of this.
Superband 2008 starts today but I had to give it a miss because of my class. *Sighs* Can only watched the results show when I am back. As such, I didn't managed to watch En En's group performance. But.....luckily, I managed to watch the result show when I reached home and I am very happy to see En En's group got into the next round. They were actually the first group to get through. *Cheers* Well, I do hope that they will get into the finals because En En can actually see very well. When she sings, she really sound like Stefanie Sun. Hope that everyone will support them and vote for them.

Got to know En En in mIRC. Only realized that she was actually my junior in seconday school after knowing each other. Back then, we used to meet up to catch Energy and 5566 at their autograph session. We would actually reached there 3 to 4 hours early in order to get a good view of them. Haha...those were the days. Looking back at it now, it was kind of fun minus the waiting time. Now, I don't think I will do it anymore...even when my idol Jay Chou was in Singapore for his movie promotion, I didn't even go. The only thing I would do now is to just attend his concert, buy his music album and watch his movies. I remembered I used to collect all the newspaper and magazines articles, be it English or Chinese about him and I would scoured the internet for his merchandises but thankfully, I have stopped doing that. Have thrown away all the articles and the only thing I have now are his pictorial books, cds and dvds.
All right, my eyes are drooping as I am typing, so it's time to head off to bed.
Hopefully, the shitty depressed feeling will be gone by the time I am awake.

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